Tape Your Heart
by ThisAccountIsNowInactive354085
Summary: And maybe this time it won't fall apart. After the Etoile Elections, it feels like everything is over for many, but of course, time must go on. Pairings inside.
1. Everybody Hurts

**Hey everyone, I'm back. First off, I want to apologize for being so inconsistent with my work. I'm really drowning in work right now, but for now I don't have anything due- at least I hope not. **

**To address certain concerns regarding my other fics, may I just say again, I am in college and am VERY busy with all my assignments, I'm close to failing several classes. I update fics when I can but a lot of the time I don't have the time.**

**XxxxX**

**Tape Your Heart**

**Prologue: Everybody Hurts**

_**xXLiStLesSXx**_

**XxxxX**

"_**It feels **_

_**Like nothing really matters anymore;**_

_**When you're gone, **_

_**I can't breathe.**_

_**And I know **_

_**You never meant to make me feel this way,**_

_**This can't**_

_**Be happening…"**_

_**-**_**Everybody Hurts **_**by Avril Lavigne**_

It's a ridiculous sensation, sick but empty, warm and yet _so _cold… It feels as if her insides are collapsing on her, as if her world is turning to nothing all at once.

_She chose her._

Tamao is actively telling herself this even as Shizuma swings Nagisa around as if the world around them has gone still- as if their happily ever after is the only one worth writing. But it's as if her brain can't- _won't _accept the truth for what it is.

Because then every promise, every smile- everything will have been a lie. Because then everything she's ever dreamed, everything she built her _everything _on would have been…

It was foolish, she knows, to have built her castle on a loose foundation; she, of all people, should have known better than _that._

And she had.

She knows better than to base everything keeping her breathing on one girl- on one chance. But for as much as your mother and your mother's mother will tell you not to give your all to the boy (girl) who would just as well leave you behind, if they had the chance, they'd do it all over again as well. Because as much as we say we hate them- as much as we say we'll never look at them that way again- if they came to us with nothing but a feeble apology and a paper ring, we'd take them back.

Every girl knows that.

And really, Tamao thinks, it's ridiculous that it hurts her this much. What did she, expect that Nagisa would choose her over Shizuma? That somehow Nagisa- _Nagisa_- would realize that even Shizuma's love was conditional?

_Such a stupid girl._

What does she have that Shizuma doesn't? Shizuma is smart, even if she doesn't show it; she's charming and she's pretty. Much prettier than Tamao, who has always been the plainest of her family. Shizuma is gallant and Shizuma makes Nagisa feel like she's the only girl in the world, except when she loves Kaori.

But Tamao has never made her cry.

Tamao has never made her cry, and now here she is, watching as the girl she loves ran away with the girl she'd never thought she could hate but she _does_.

And yet…

_She chose her._

And behind that harsh, superior whisper, there's a quieter, less confident voice.

_She left _you_._

**PGBR**

Tsubomi doesn't know what to think- not anymore.

It's a disconcerting feeling- she isn't one to 'not know what to think', after all, and most of the time she _says_ it after everything.

But here, now, watching her playful, forever grinning sempai huddled up on the cot that seemed impossibly large in comparison to her lonely figure, Tsubomi feels something twisting uncomfortably inside her. It isn't quite painfulso much as it is _hollow_; afraid.

And it's even worse, because everything she's ever wanted since she came to Spica in the beginning of the year was to get to know the girl with the beautiful voice, the one who had sung at the entrance ceremony. She remembers being overjoyed to discover that she was her angel's room attendant only to be crushed when she realized that she had an angel of her own, the one with the scared eyes and wavering heart.

Tsubomi knows Hikari doesn't love Amane- first of all, because ew, who could?- and secondly, because her sempai knew nothing of her knight in shining armor. She's like a Disney princess, and Amane, her prince that she'd never met before the fateful day they fell in love.

Barf.

But Hikari is so beautiful, and at this point, Tsubomi can't actually understand what else there was about her that someone like Yaya can possibly love.

And sometimes she stands in front of her mirror in only her bra (an A-cup, she sighs) and heart-patterned panties, and pretends that she's beautiful too.

She wonders what it must feel like to hold two hearts in the palm of her hand, but dismisses it quickly- where did she get the right to think that, when she couldn't even cling to one?

Even after it all, Tsubomi can't _actually _believe that the reason she doesn't have a chance with the girl she's grown to hate (love) is because of this stereotypical damsel in distress. Surely Yaya knows better.

But no, she sighs only seconds later, because Yaya-sempai is an idiot. She sighs to herself and pulls her knees to her chest, her eyes pausing on the brunette sitting so close, yet so far away.

And she waits. She waits and she waits for Yaya to say something; _anything _to let her know everything can be okay again.

But Yaya never says a word- never looks up after her shock of seeing Tsubomi in her room in the first place.

**PGBR**

She feels foolish- stupid even- for feeling anything at all.

It's what she's been trying to convince the world for years, after all- that she doesn't have a heart to break.

And only Chikaru ever saw through her, and Miyuki thinks that's okay, because what is Chikaru going to do? Chikaru is an observer, nothing more.

Sometimes Miyuki wonders how she does it, but then she sees the way Chikaru looks at Shion and she thinks maybe the princess of Lulim isn't so innocent.

Miyuki knows better than to feel anything when Shizuma brings home a new girl (always the ones with the stars in their eyes) by now.

But fuck it all, it _hurts._

It fucking _hurts _and she wants to scream and cry and demand that Shizuma love _her_, and every emotion that she's bottled up inside for so long is threatening to break loose.

Because Shizuma's so selfish all the time; Shizuma has only ever loved herself after Kaori. Shizuma thinks she was the only one who was hurt when Kaori left; Shizuma thinks she's more entitled to her long awaited happiness than the rest of them, more deserving of it than Tamao. Than her best friend.

Shizuma thinks Miyuki doesn't_ understand_.

But Miyuki _knows _that Shizuma doesn't.

Shizuma doesn't understand people, she doesn't understand emotions. She doesn't understand that every insignificant girl that she throws away means the world to someone else. Nagisa, she knows, will be just another girl, and Shizuma will get bored and throw her out like yesterday's trash for Tamao to collect.

Shizuma doesn't understand that she isn't the only one with feelings; that she isn't the only one whose heart has been shredded by these six years at Astraea Hill.

She forces the thoughts back, swallows down the rock in her throat and fades into the background as Shizuma runs through the double doors with Nagisa in tow.

She's almost done- she's almost gone. There's no need to let them inside _now_.

_"You're such a crybaby, Miyuki."_

**I tried to write as in character as I could, in correspondence to how I think these character's tones would be in their heads. I feel like Tamao would be more hopeless and less critical, while Tsubomi would be more upbeat in her pain, since she wasn't directly hurt. I feel like Miyuki would be very bitter. So yeah, I hope I got the characteristics down right :3 I wanted to focus on the three broken hearts at the end of SP, though Chikaru and Shion will be a pair in SOME way. Review, por favor :3**


	2. Who's That Girl?

**DrYuriMom: Thanks :) Characterization is one thing that I am OCD about, that's sometimes why it's hard to get fics updated as well :PP I honestly have no idea what I'm even doing with all these classes I'm taking, like I have no idea what I even want to be. I was always crap at anything like math or science though, which was a shame because I did love doing experiments in chemistry, but I could never get the math part down :/ Thank you :)**

**Obsidian and Cobalt: Thanks :) I base a lot of my pieces on my own emotions, and believe it or not I've felt all three of these things at one point or another :/**

**Kenneth Black: Thanks :3 I actually got the title from a picture I saw on the internet, lol, with a heart being put together by ducktape. I feel like it's really explanatory, like even if you tape your heart, it can still fall apart pretty easily and even if it doesn't, it's not really the same. Thanks :)**

**Tmj1395: Thanks :3 Surprisingly enough, it's art that's giving me the most trouble.**

**XxRin-sanxX: Thanks :) Yeah, classes suck, especially when it gets down to finals time.**

**Okay, so, kind of a lame song choice, but I didn't know the right song to name this title after, so I typed in the words and got lucky enough to find a song that described it :/**

**Anyway, this update is a bit early, but I'm sleepy and got myself too depressed to actually sleep because of a long and complicated story that I'm sure nobody actually cares about SO I went ahead and finished this chapter ahead of time :3 It's shorter than normal, but I do have to take time to build up the plot, please bear with me :)**

**XxxxX**

**Tape Your Heart**

**One: Who's That Girl?**

_**xXLiStLesSXx**_

**XxxxX**

"_**Who's that girl?  
>Where's she from?<br>No she can't be the one  
>That you want-<br>That has stolen my world.  
>It's not real, it's not right-<br>It's my day, it's my night.  
>By the way<br>Who's that girl**_

_**Living my life?**__**"**_

_**-**_**Who's that Girl **_**by Hilary Duff**_

Tsubomi woke to a brief feeling of nausea caused by the intense sunlight leaking in from the blinds of the window. She groaned, realizing she'd let herself fall asleep in her sempai's room, and flushed when she remembered that she happened to be in love with this particular sempai. Moving to get out of bed and get back to her dorm to start packing to leave for the summer, Tsubomi found herself trapped by a heavy weight and groaned internally. Of course Yaya would grab onto anything with boobs and a pulse in her sleep. Fighting back an even stronger blush, she squirmed out of the older girl's arms, ignoring the muffled grunt of displeasure.

She ripped the curtains open, allowing the sun to enter the room unfiltered and eliciting a loud whine from Yaya, who jerked the covers over her head, only some messy ebony hair remaining visible. Tsubomi huffed and stomped over to the older girl and ripped the covers back away from her head. She had sat with her and waited with her the night before, but overall Tsubomi knew better than to coddle the broken Yaya. Someone like her sempai would never get over her pain if she was humored. "Get up, Yaya-baka," she snapped when Yaya groaned and rolled over, burying her head into her pillow. "You have to get your things packed and I'm not going to do it for you!"

At this point, Yaya rolled over with a sleepy grin, blinking the sleep from her eyes. "Bet you would," she drawled, and Tsubomi huffed indignantly. "Come on, Tsu-bo-mi-chaaaaan," Yaya whined, falling back against her pillow, her hands thrust to either side of the bed. "Nobody's even up yet, it's like three in the morning!"

"It's _six thirty_, baka," Tsubomi retorted. "Now get _up_!" she demanded, grabbing Yaya's arm with the pretense of pulling the older girl out of bed, but at the last second she caught the glimmer of playfulness in Yaya's eyes right before she was yanked down with the sleepy Spican. Shrieking, Tsubomi squirmed against Yaya's frighteningly strong grip- the girl was half asleep and still overpowered her. "Let go!"

"Shhh." Yaya's breath was warm against her ear, causing Tsubomi to flush bright red as the older girl pulled her closer, nuzzling into her neck. "You're cuter when you don't talk…"

One loud smack later, a huffing pinkette was sitting at the end of the bed, arms folded over her chest while Yaya smirked despite rubbing at the lump on the back of her head.

Inside, Tsubomi was just happy that her sempai was regaining a little bit of herself, though she knew that Yaya was only acting on instinct at this point. She had expected this, at least; Yaya wasn't the kind of person who would leave herself vulnerable, exposed to the world and its criticism for long.

**PGBR**

If Tamao had woken to an empty room, she thought maybe she could have swallowed back everything that had happened the day before and pasted on her silver smile.

But no, there was Nagisa, sound asleep after her late night with Shizuma; after she'd come back to apologize to Tamao, and for what? For falling in love? Tamao scoffed uncharacteristically- she might have been bitter, but she wasn't deluded enough to think that falling in love was anyone's _fault_. It was almost insulting that Nagisa had thought to apologize for falling for Shizuma- if anything, she should have apologized for leaving Tamao standing there, alone in her _one _moment of glory.

But no, Nagisa probably hadn't even thought of that. No, Nagisa's world revolved around Shizuma's gravitational pull, she probably didn't even remember that Tamao had been the one to let her go.

As Tamao stared at the red-headed bundle still huddled up beneath the covers, she recalled the elation she'd felt when she heard that she'd be getting a roommate for the first time. And it had been perfect, it had been a dream.

But you always wake up, as dreams go, and Tamao had awoken to the piercing reality of her roommate being washed away under the spell of Hanazono Shizuma. It figured that she, Tamao, who had originally thought herself above all this mess in the first place, would fall for another of Shizuma's trained toys.

But what gave Shizuma the right?

Tamao sighed as she slipped out of bed and padded over to her closet.

Pulling on her stockings, she began to make a list in her head.

_Money gives her the right._

She slipped into her dress.

_Charm gives her the right._

She tightened the ribbon at the back.

_Beauty gives her the right._

She paused, staring down at the ribbon in her hands that seemed to be shaking of their own accord, and she found her eyes squeezing shut to block out the tears that threatened to fall.

_Love…_

_ No._

_ She doesn't love her._

Tamao's fingers curled around the ribbon, tightening until there were white nail marks imprinted into her flesh.

Shizuma didn't love Nagisa.

_Nothing gives her the right._

Nothing_ gives her the right to steal your everything._

**PGBR**

Breakfast.

The most important meal of the day, and Tsubomi would ordinarily be the first one to stress the necessity of a healthy diet.

But today, watching as Yaya stared at Hikari like a kicked puppy even as Amane bristled beside her, Tsubomi found that she simply couldn't force down the scrambled mess of eggs that littered her breakfast plate.

What had Hikari ever done to deserve her love? What had _Hikari _done but take her for granted? Maybe Yaya would open her eyes if Tsubomi did the same.

But the idea was gone as soon as it had come- unlike the brunette's 'best friend', Tsubomi didn't have it in her to hurt Yaya that way, no matter how favorable the outcome.

_And that, _a mocking voice hissed from the back of her mind, _is why you're always second best._

She was always so _there_, always so ready to be the shoulder to cry on, but that person never won- everyone who's ever read a bad teen romance knows as much. It was always the first girl- always the challenge- and Hikari would always be Yaya's 'first girl' no matter how much Tsubomi wished she could take her place. It didn't matter that she'd appreciate Yaya like Hikari never had (and never would). It didn't _matter _if Tsubomi lay curled up on her bed, _sobbing _and wondering _why _Yaya wouldn't love her, so why should she bother with that anyway? It wouldn't matter if she demanded for Yaya to appreciate her; it wouldn't matter if she ran because she knew Yaya wouldn't follow.

So she stayed and watched as Hikari shunned all the attention and feelings that Tsubomi wished she had, because at least then she could be by Yaya's side. At least then she wouldn't be so alone.

"Hey, pinky."

The petite girl jumped about a foot in the air, having been completely oblivious to Yaya slinking up behind her, and would probably have fallen backwards if it weren't for the older girl catching her with a smirk, tilting her backwards into a suggestive position. Face flaming, Tsubomi shoved Yaya away once she'd regained her balance, huffing indignantly. "What are you doing, Yaya-baka?" she snapped. "Weren't you sitting over there droo-" she caught herself before her petty jealousy shone through. "Why are you over here?"

Yaya shrugged. "I'm done eating, and it doesn't look like you're even going to bother with the rest of your food, so I figured we could leave," she said, rubbing the back of her neck and looking down at Tsubomi with an unfamiliar look in her eyes.

Tsubomi was tempted to snap at her again, to ask why she would want to leave with a stupid kouhai when she could stay here and fawn over her very much taken best friend, when she caught herself, realizing that her sempai was concerned about her. It wasn't like Tsubomi to space out as she had been, especially so much so that she forgot about what was going on around her. "Oh, yeah," the pinkette began lamely, "I'm just not very hungry today."

Yaya met her eyes with a look that told Tsubomi she didn't buy a word of what she'd said, and her lips curled into a small, almost paper-thin smile. "Come on, you're gonna be hungry later, you can't just skip breakfast like that."

Tsubomi scoffed. "What would you know? You hardly ever even eat it," she mumbled, before glancing up and meeting Yaya's gaze again, and that's when she saw it. Her idol- her love was so close to falling apart that it was all she could do to keep up a normal façade, and Tsubomi's refusal to eat was probably confusing her even further. Everything was changing for her- the last thing she needed was to have to worry about her kouhai's health, especially when said kouhai was usually worrying about _hers_. Tsubomi sighed. "I'll eat later, I'm just still tired right now, my stomach isn't quite settled yet."

As she allowed Yaya to pull her up from her seat, Tsubomi's wide amber eyes found a listless Tamao, stirring her breakfast around much like she herself had been doing as Nagisa chattered mindlessly, like she hadn't just destroyed every last one of her dreams by leaving her alone at the Elections.

Everyone was broken enough without her adding her own feelings to the mix, after all.

**Review, por favor :3**


	3. Fairy Tale

**XxRin-sanxX: Well, I'm currently debating what to do with Miyuki, but I hadn't really planned on putting Shizuma with her. I just think that kissing your best friend, knowing they're in love with you, while you're with someone else is just a little bit cruel. But who knows, I really have no idea where this is going. I'm attempting to work on my other story, but my whole life is kind of confusing and unstable at this point, so it might be a while before I get back on track.**

**DrYuriMom: Sorry D: Personally, I think that as long as things are kept in character, in fanfiction at least, that you can't really go wrong :) Yaya and Tsubomi are always my favorites to write (with the possible exception of playing around with pairing Shion up), and also, in some ways, the hardest. I don't want it to move to fast, but it IS Yaya, so it can't exactly move slowly, either. Thank you so much, that means a lot to me to know that I've inspired someone :3 Thanks, and I'll try my best to keep my stories going :)**

**Tmj1395: Sad endings break my heart, and since I've never really had the pleasure of my own true happy ending, I always make sure my characters get them :3 Thank you :)**

**Obsidian and Cobalt: I won something? Cool :D Thanks, I can relate too- hopefully I'll be able to make everything happy soon though, nothing beats genuine, happy love :)**

**Kaze Rei: **_**Well**_**, I won't get started on that just yet, but if I have time, I'll write you a novel of all the reasons why ;) Thanks :) Yeah, I usually put a crap ton of effort into the prologues, and hope the rest just works out. Thanks :)**

**A random side note, I wanna thank my awesome reviewers for not only reviewing my chapters, but for all the encouragement outside my writing as well :) You guys are awesome!**

**Also to my reviewers, I'm not sure who to pair Tamao and Miyuki up with besides each other, and frankly I'm not sure how well they'd work for each other. Without bringing in any OCs (I always mess things up when I bring them in), what are your opinions for their pairings?**

**So I've returned from my valiant stay at the Land of No Wifi (my grandparents' house in Wyoming), and I have a thought. One reason that I don't like boys as much as I like girls is that they don't fucking listen to what I say BUT, I have found, that sometimes girls listen too MUCH, and read too much into things, which may or may not be the cause of extra drama within certain two-girl couples. Ergo my continuing bisexuality :/**

**XxxxX**

**Tape Your Heart**

**Two: Fairy Tale**

_**xXLiStLesSXx**_

**XxxxX**

"_**Princess-**_

_**You contemplate your fate for hours**_

_**Locked inside the tallest tower,**_

_**Where you stay.**_

_**Princess-**_

_**You wear a crown that's made of flowers,**_

_**Waiting for someone to save you**_

_**Each and every single day.**__**"**_

_**-**_**Fairy Tale **_**by Saturday Night at the Apollo**_

Miyuki lay in bed, marveling in the feeling of hopelessness that came from giving up- that came from the _wait_.

It was almost over.

She was almost gone.

And where was her Prince Charming?

Her mother always _had _laughed at her for 'dabbling in such romantic follies' when 'only a fool allows themselves to truly love any but themself'.

Her nimble fingers running along the smooth metal her engagement ring that she held in the palm of her hand, Miyuki thought she finally understood why.

_"You don't understand, Miyuki!"_

_ "I loved her, Miyuki!"_

_ "You've never felt the pain of being in love, Miyuki."_

"No, of course I haven't, Shizuma," she said in a coppery thin voice, "because only fools fall in love. And I always was the smart one; you knew as much."

"I think," came a soft voice from the door, causing Miyuki to jerk back to reality to face the small, sadly smiling Lulim President, "that you are being too hard on yourself; wouldn't you agree? We can't help who we fall in love with, kaichou-sama." Her eyes glittered with just the tiniest hint of playfulness, a small beacon of hope in light of the circumstances.

Still, Miyuki couldn't bring herself to let go of her bitter attitude. "What would you know about love, Minamoto-san?" she asked coldly, her arms wrapped around her small frame as if to protect herself.

Chikaru giggled to herself before shifting into the room. "You were always so smart, Miyuki," she said in a light voice, "and yet, so…blind."

Miyuki glared down at her hands; somehow directing her glare at Chikaru felt wrong, like kicking a puppy or cursing in front of a statue of Maria. Finally she sighed. "Is this going anywhere in particular, Chikaru?"

Chikaru took a few steps forward until she was only inches from Miyuki, and bent over, tilting the president's head up with her ring finger. "You've long since forgotten how to trust in people, Miyuki," she said softly. "Maybe it's time you remember."

**PGBR**

It was a strange feeling, being caught between what was right and what _felt _right.

It was even stranger to allow yourself to feel right because you knew with absolute certainty that it was what _was _right.

Thus was the predicament of one particular rule-abiding pinkette.

Tsubomi could hardly concentrate with Yaya's arm draped over her shoulders; she just _knew _that whatever the choir director was discussing was going to be deathly important in their next concert, but the sensation of her sempai so close to her was this close to driving her mad. The instant their teacher had announced a mandatory 'work day', Yaya had pulled Tsubomi into her side, as if it were an everyday occurrence. Tsubomi just knew that she was redder than Nagisa's hair, and to top it all off, Hikari kept turning around every two seconds to give the two girls strange looks. Despite all of her bluster about respect for her seniors, Tsubomi found herself glaring back at the blonde, as if to say, '_You had a choice, and you chose wrong- now deal with the whiplash like a big girl and back off'_.

She was allowing Yaya to keep her arm around her simply because she knew that the older girl portrayed her emotions through her actions, and that if she pushed the brunette away, it might cause her to crawl back into her shell of solitude. And as terrible as it was to know that she was just a replacement (_always _the replacement) for Hikari, it was scarier to watch the girl she adored sink into nothingness.

As the seconds became minutes, Tsubomi found herself slowly relaxing into the warmth of her sempai, barely registering the tiny, almost-but-completely-and-utterly-_not_ insignificant tightening of Yaya's arm around her.

It just wasn't fair, she thought. She knew that she would never move forward as long as she allowed the bitterness to strangle her fragile heart, but _darnit_, what did Yaya _want _from her? What did she have to do to earn a second glance, almost get herself raped on a daily basis? What was so attractive about Hikari, aka Stereotypical Damsel in Distress Number 173?

She huffed, folding her arms over her chest, developing a new wave of irritation towards the poor, confused brunette by her side. It's not like it was _Tsubomi's _fault, though- why couldn't Yaya just _know _what was wrong instantly? Or at least, if she couldn't figure it out on her own, why couldn't she just let it rest?

Two seconds later, when she was being prodded in the side by an insistent finger, she chided herself for being so stupid- this was _Yaya _she was talking about, the queen of the perceptively challenged.

"Hey, Tsu-bo-mi-chan," Yaya started, ignoring Tsubomi's heated silence. "Are you pouting?"

"No!" Tsubomi snapped all too quickly, judging by the cat-like grin her sempai was now wearing. "Why would I be pouting, baka?" she added for good measure. "And why do you have to cling to me like that? You're worse than _Chiyo_." The pinkette was referring to all those nights they'd snuck out of their dorms, the terrified bluenette clinging to her arm.

"Ah, but I'm so much sexier than Chiyo," Yaya purred, eliciting a fierce blush from the pinkette and earning herself a jab in the ribs.

Tsubomi scoffed as she recovered in record time. "Amane-sama is sexier than _Chiyo_," she grumbled, knowing that her sempai would pick up on her point. She felt Yaya tense beside her and pull her closer, almost as if the mere mention of her name made her feel as though something else she cared for was about to be stolen away.

_Cared for?_

She had no doubt that Yaya cared- she knew the brunette well enough to know that she wouldn't bother with a kouhai if she didn't.

_But how much does she care?_

_ And do you have a chance at all?_

Watching Yaya watch Hikari, Tsubomi knew she should go; somewhere, anywhere, she needed to find someone who would put her first. Who would love _her _and nobody else. If there was a time to run before it was too late, it was now; surely Yaya could get over Hikari on her own. Tsubomi knew what her mother would say; never settle for second best, not when, one day, she'd be someone's first priority.

But Tsubomi didn't _want _this mysterious, future _someone_, she wanted Yaya, whether she was the first choice, or someone just a little bit more important than nobody.

Tsubomi remembered criticizing those girls, the ones who let themselves fall for people they couldn't have, knowing that they were going to get hurt in the end. Wouldn't it be easier just to let their feelings go in the beginning, find someone else to love them like they were meant to be loved?

She averted her gaze back to her folded hands once it got too hard to watch as the girl she loved loved another.

_Not so easy now, is it, you stupid, naïve girl._

**PGBR**

Tamao hadn't emerged from her room to do anything other than attend classes for three days- she wasn't even eating. To be honest, she didn't quite see the point in doing so when everything she'd been living for had been stolen from her. Anyone who said she was taking this too far was a hypocrite- the day a woman discovered how to be rational with her heart was the day that teenage girls ceased to have a reason for being.

She'd heard it all- why Nagisa? How could she love such a simple girl? How could she have fallen for her from the moment she laid eyes on her, because Nagisa wasn't such a pretty girl.

Why did she let Shizuma steal away her sun?

How?

When?

Why?

She let out a chocked laugh. What were they, stupid? Surely they couldn't possibly think that she knew the answers- surely they knew that if _she _knew, that everything would be different. That she would have changed everything.

**Review, por favor :3 Sorry for the relatively short chapter, make sure to read my author's note at the top, as it influences the story :3**


	4. White Horse

**XxRin-sanxX: I'm still working out the pairings, lol, so hopefully the story won't go too slowly while I'm doing so :/**

**Tmj1395: Thanks :) I don't know what exactly my objection IS, just that I've been in…well, neither of their EXACT situation before, but in my experience, broken hearts can't mend each other. However, I haven't made any final decisions at this point pairing-wise other than, of course, YayaXTsubomi :3 **

**Shadow Apparation: Thanks for all the reviews :) I just realized how confusing that chapter might have come off, sorry :PP I was not planning on shipping Miyuki and Chikaru, though it's my opinion that ChikaruXjust about anyone is awesome :) I did say that Chikaru and Shion would be together, but I'm not entirely sure at that point, sorry for the false advertising D:**

**DrYuriMom: Well I guess I should start listening to my mom when she tells me to close the garage door, I usually just brush it off :P The only Yvonne in North America? Huh…you'd think with how big it is there would be more than one of pretty much everything, haha. Oh, boys…my last boyfriend was such a sweetheart, but very emotionally unstable to a point, and my 'best friend' at the time ruined things…and I just seem to be having absolutely AWFUL luck with girls (and friends D:) in general. All the boys who are interested in me seem to think that I want to hear what they'd do to me in bed over text messaging. I just don't get it, I'm sitting there like, is 'this supposed to be turning me on? O.O' lol. Thanks :) I actually can't really see Miyuki and Tamao together, only because it's VERY hard for a broken heart to heal another, but I'm not conclusive on any pairing but Yaya and Tsubomi yet, so yeah :)**

**TheNomade5: Thanks :3 That seems to be a popular opinion :)**

**Kaze Rei: What profile? O.o You're right, I am going pretty slowly, I might have been a bit out of it then, or just not paying attention to what I wrote. It's hard to get plots started, but hopefully I'll get everything straightened out soon.**

**Has anyone here ever been in a situation where you want SO BADLY just to say 'forget this, I give up', but at the same time you don't WANT to say that, because you're afraid the person you say it to really WILL give up and not bother trying to make you stay? That is one hella painful feeling…**

**XxxxX**

**Tape Your Heart**

**Chapter Three: White Horse**

_**xXLiStLesSXx**_

**XxxxX**

"_**Say you're sorry**_

_**That face of an angel comes out just when you need it to.**_

_**As I pace back and forth all this time**_

'_**Cause I honestly believed in you.**_

_**Holding on, the days drag on,**_

_**Stupid girl, I should have known-**_

_**I should have known.**_

_**-**_**White Horse by Taylor Swift**

Tsubomi was sitting cross-legged in front of the Hill's large, sparkling lake, a sketchpad resting in her lap, the eraser of her pencil pressing into her cheek as she tried to focus on what she was supposed to be drawing.

These exercises were always more challenging for her- as a logical-minded person, she preferred it when she was told exactly what she had to do and exactly how she should do it.

Then again, looking around at the rest of her class, scattered around the lake, she thought that, just maybe, that was easier for everyone at this point.

Because who honestly knew themselves right now, and who honestly knew what they wanted? Sure, Tsubomi was well-aware that she wanted Yaya, but how much did she want her, and how much was she willing to risk? If there came a time that she had to choose between moving on and staying by Yaya's side, which would she choose? And what if she knew that she had no chance of her feelings being returned? Would that influence her decision?

_Of course it would._

As much as Tsubomi wanted to be there for Yaya on the bumpy road to recovery, her own feelings were becoming more and more urgent where she had shoved them in the back of her mind, threatening to swim to the front and influence her actions. Even the most generous person in the world is selfish, at least inside, where nobody is looking. Could Tsubomi honestly say she had no ulterior motives? Of course not. And could she, with one-hundred percent certainty, say that she would stand strong, by Yaya's side, if she knew that she had no chance, now or in the future?

Sighing, she turned back to her sketchbook, her pencil moving of its own accord, laying light, gray lines that slowly began to form a picture.

Half an hour later, Tsubomi was faced with a large, grayscale rendition of a rather obtrusive rock that lay just a few feet in front of her.

The pinkette made a face, scoffing at her own lack of creativity.

_A rock, wonderful, it's probably some kind of sign that you're thinking about hard-headed brunettes too much for your own good._

With a small growl, Tsubomi kicked at the rock, only managing to make it roll a few feet away. She wondered if it was possible to merely shut off her feelings; it's not like she couldn't go through life without this terrible, aching need for her boneheaded senpai. But every time she felt like she could move on, she took one look at Yaya's playful grin and felt like crawling back to bed with her tail between her legs.

"Oh, what lovely shading!"

Tsubomi started, pressing a hand to her chest to slow her heart rate. "Th-thank you, sensei," she managed to stutter.

"Mhm, and the detail on this is absolutely incredible," her teacher continued, "this is a prime example of the beauty of nature. Even a simple rock is unique and complex."

"Right, that's what I was aiming for," Tsubomi replied, her cheeks flushing slightly with the praise. She'd learned it was best to let her art teacher tell her what she thought Tsubomi had been attempting to get at rather than explaining that she'd just felt like drawing a rock, and that there was no real 'reason' behind it. It went over much better when her teacher was convinced that she was yet another unappreciated tortured soul.

**PGBR**

It was dinnertime before she saw Yaya again, and by that point she was so tired of trying to logic out and put a stop to her feelings that she simply let the brunette drape herself all over her without a word of complaint.

Yaya frowned at her, her eyes glazed over with something akin to concern. "Hey, pinky, are you feeling okay?" she asked, poking Tsubomi in the side.

Tsubomi rolled her eyes. "Well, if I wasn't, that certainly wouldn't have helped," she muttered, unconsciously grabbing Yaya's hand and pushing it away, not even bothering to react to the now common-place tingling she felt at the touch. The brunette's frown deepened, more from hurt this time at her actions having been rejected. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem very fine," Yaya replied, obviously not picking up on Tsubomi's prickly demeanor. "Usually you would've tried to shove me away by now, or called me a baka."

Tsubomi arched an eyebrow as she turned to face Yaya for the first time that night. "You _want _me to be mean?" she asked, her lips curving into an almost-smile as the brunette opened her mouth and then closed it, brow furrowed in confusion. "Exactly, you should just enjoy it while it lasts," the pinkette mumbled. A large part of her wished Yaya would continue to press, if only to show that she cared, but she knew that the older girl would leave it at that, even if she did pick up on Tsubomi's sort-of lie. She really should have been thankful, but despite what they say, she knew just as well as the next girl that most of them just wished for someone to care enough to look past the surface.

_Some people don't put up walls to keep others out, but rather to see who cares enough to break them down._

**PGBR**

It had been hours since she'd moved, hours since Chikaru had left just as quickly as she'd come in.

It was another week before they took her away, another week before she married a man she knew, somewhere deep inside, that she could never love, but Miyuki didn't feel like moving.

No, she felt like lying, face-down on her bed, wallowing in the self-pity that none of the world seemed the think she deserved. She felt like crying and she felt like screaming, and she felt like cursing Shizuma for what she did to her.

_What she did…_

Realistically, she knew she could hardly blame Shizuma for not loving her; after all, even if she hadn't been infatuated by Kaori and now (_now_) Nagisa, who could love such a bitter girl with such a selfish heart? Miyuki couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed, and here she was, lying on her bed like her world was coming to an end, waiting for someone to come find her-

Someone to come _love _her.

And Shizuma was never hers; deep down inside, Miyuki was sure she'd known so for quite some time now. Shizuma was only her best friend, and hardly even that, abandoning Miyuki every time something shiny caught her eye.

But there was no use being angry with Shizuma now.

Because Shizuma had been hurting too- Shizuma had needed saving, and she had been simply existing for the longest time because Miyuki couldn't be the one to save her when she had yet to save herself. Shizuma had been hurting and Miyuki had sat there, ankles folded, waiting for her friend to notice that something was wrong with _her_.

And in the end, it never could have been Miyuki. It had to be Nagisa- Nagisa who dropped into their lives like a bomb, Nagisa who brought Shizuma out of her masked depression.

And why had she put her faith in Shizuma to begin with? It was almost as foolish (or more so) as Tamao staking her happiness on her naïve new roommate. If Nagisa was an unsteady foundation, Shizuma was a house built on rickety stilts in the middle of the ocean. All Miyuki had done for the past few years was watch from the lighthouse, praying that her everything didn't fall down and away.

But despite it all, Shizuma was a regular Prince Charming- the perfect girlfriend.

She just wasn't Miyuki's to hold.

Miyuki knew this, she _did_, but she wasn't quite ready to stop being upset and start rationalizing just yet. She was a teenage girl, despite her fate, and she was going to be selfish for once, even if nobody came looking.

**No, teacher does not get a name :/**

**WHY am I forever saying the wrong thing? I'm extremely perceptive and empathetic but when it comes to TALKING it's just like…UGH. This is why I don't have friends :( Someone seriously needs to slap me, anyone up for the job? There's not even any worry of Mr. Boyfriend-Man coming to avenge me because I have none :PP**


	5. Whataya Want From Me?

**DrYuriMom: Absolutely not D: You're a fantastic writer, really. I actually don't know what didactic means though D: I think it depends on the reader, to be honest, and whether or not the reader has experienced the emotions that the characters are going through. I've just got this thing (read: curse) of being pretty empathetic, so I can understand emotions from almost any point of view, but the majority of the issues my characters go through are issues I've gone through very recently, which is probably why I can put as much emotion into it as I do. AH, I see, well, that makes more sense now :) That's actually a really pretty name…Thanks, that really means a lot to me, especially now :) It's like, I'm drowning in my classes and trying to work on my relationship with my parents (I've been emotionally closed off with them for years), so life decides that NOW is the perfect time to screw with my emotions as well :/**

**Shadow Apparation: Well, that scene came out of my experience too actually, lol. We have critiques in our art class and the teacher ALWAYS asks us what it's about, and we can't just say "I felt like drawing some chick sitting on a clock" or whatever. And then she tells us our interpretation is wrong :/ Or at least she does that to ME all the time D: Letting someone go can be the most painful thing ever, it's like losing a part of you, but you're right, it does have to happen. Still haven't decided who to ship with Miyuki, since I don't wanna bring in an OC and I don't REALLY want her with Tamao D:**

**Tmj1395: Thanks :3 I've been told it's a good thing when writing can evoke (THERE'S that word I was looking for on my reflective essay, too late now…) emotions within the reader. Yay :3**

**Kaze Rei: Yep, that was from experience, so I hope it's relatable :3 I think everyone who's ever been hurt does that, just a little bit. I mean, I'll admit I do, but at this point it's more that I'm afraid to let them down because my trust has been broken so much. I know all about depression from this first semester in college, and thanks :3 Oh yeah, I'm planning on that, I just want them to get through the beginnings (of the end o.O) out of the way :3**

**GUYSGUYSGUYS :O Today I finally got to change my relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship :D I've been wanting to do that for like, EVAR :O I should probably change my profile here too, but I'm too lazy :/**

**XxxxX**

**Tape Your Heart**

**Chapter Four: Whataya Want From Me**

_**xXLiStLesSXx**_

**XxxxX**

"_**Just don't give up, I'm working it out.**_

_**Please don't give in, I won't let you down.**_

_**It messed me up, need a second to breathe,**_

_**Just keep coming around,**_

_**Hey, whataya want from me?**_

_**Whataya want from me?**_

_**Whataya want from me?"**_

_**-**_**Whataya Want From Me by Adam Lambert**

There was something wrong with Tsubomi.

Yaya wasn't sure what exactly it was, but the pinkette had been even shorter with her than usual and at the same time seemed to have lost her spark. The brunette hadn't noticed anything at first, having been lost within her own self-pity for the past week or so, but once the initial shock had worn off, it was painfully obvious that there was something different about her little pinkette.

Your _pinkette? That's a new development, isn't it? You're just asking for it now, aren't you, baka?_

Yaya fiddled with the hem of her uniform shirt, smiling slightly because Tsubomi wasn't around to snap at her for doing it. Then her face turned sour once again, because damnit, she'd gotten _used _to the little brat always correcting her and telling her what to do. And now…she didn't know what was happening now, only that she seemed to have done something wrong. Yaya wasn't _quite _as thick as some people seemed to believe, though she did wish she was perceptive enough to pick up on just _what _she'd done wrong.

She knewthat she was mooning after Hikari- _knew _that Tsubomi was becoming fed up with her hang up on the blonde. She knew that it had been enough time, considering that Hikari had never been hers to begin with, but _damnit_, what did she _want _from her? Tsubomi knew better than anyone how much losing Hikari had hurt her- how much she wasn't herself without her. And Yaya was trying her best to move on- okay, so maybe that bit could use a little more work on her part, starting with the longing stares directed at Hikari over the dinner table.

But Yaya didn't know why it was bothering Tsubomi- it wasn't like Yaya was so lost in her thoughts that she couldn't pay attention to the world around her. In fact, at that very moment, she was sitting on one of the rafters, staring at the pinkette who seemed to be staring into space instead of reading the new sheet music. Yes, there was something _very _off about her cute little friend.

She didn't know what it was, but she was going to find out.

**PGBR**

Tsubomi felt Yaya's presence more than she saw the brunette; the more time she spent with Yaya, the more Tsubomi became accustomed to the feeling of her presence, to her scent and mannerisms. She groaned at herself. She really needed to get out of this rut.

There was silence for a moment before she felt Yaya shift beside her. "So, are you gonna tell me what's going on in that cute head of yours or what?" the brunette asked, ruffling the thoroughly red Tsubomi's hair.

"S-stop it, baka!" the pinkette stuttered, pushing Yaya's hand away only to find herself caught in a tight embrace. "What do you want?" she finally asked, folding her arms over her chest and trying desperately not to blush any harder than she already was while in the brunette's arms.

"I just told you," Yaya said, "I want to know what's wrong with you. You're all depressed and stuff, and I miss my favorite brat." She grinned when she heard the pinkette growl in protest. "So, what's up?" she asked in a slightly softer tone, changing her iron grip to a loose embrace, scooting behind Tsubomi so that the pinkette was between her legs.

Tsubomi contemplated brushing Yaya off like she would have normally, but something in the brunette's eyes made her feel bad for having been so distant. "Nothing's wrong," she muttered after a moment, relishing in the feel of her senpai's chin resting on her shoulder. "It's just that…after Hikari-senpai won the Etoile election," she felt Yaya tense behind her, but carried on, trusting in the older girl's resolve, "Yaya-senpai hasn't really been herself, and I guess I just felt like your world revolved around her, and since she was gone, you weren't ever going to come back to me." After she finished her short but emotional piece, Tsubomi flushed crimson, realizing what her words could have sounded like. But judging by the feel of Yaya's arms tightening around her waist, the older girl had decided to be serious for once.

"Tsubomi…" Yaya paused, sighing, and Tsubomi took the opportunity to relax in her senpai's arms, trying to ignore the way her heart sped up when Yaya dropped the suffix so seamlessly. "I won't lie, a part of me…will always be with Hikari; she was my first love. But I'm not going to just mope around forever- could you imagine that?" She laughed and Tsubomi felt herself breaking into a shy, involuntary smile, her cheeks flushing as the brunette leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. "It's mostly thanks to you that I've been able to get back to myself so quickly, you know? So I owe you one, brat."

"Yeah, well, if I ever decide to bury myself in solitude because of a shy, tasteless blonde, I'll let you know," Tsubomi replied dryly, her smile widening on its own when she heard and felt Yaya give a full laugh from behind her.

**PGBR**

"You're going to have to face them sometime."

Tamao lifted her gaze to face a pair of wide, empathetic eyes staring down at her and straightened slightly from her position leaning back against a tree by the large, dark lake. "I know," she replied quietly.

Chikaru's brows furrowed in sympathy, and she slipped down beside the blunette, watching the moon reflected on the surface of the lake. The two girls were silent for several minutes, just watching, and maybe waiting for something, anything…

"Some things are prettier in the dark," Tamao suddenly said, her eyes never moving from the surface of the lake. "Some things are prettier when the sun doesn't shine. More mysterious."

"And some things need the sun to grow," Chikaru replied easily, turning to face the blunette with a kind smile. "We can't hide forever, Tamao-chan," she said softly, raising a hand and gently brushing a stray strand of hair from the poet's eyes. "As much as it might appeal to us at any given moment, we can't stay in the shadows forever. You can't stay in _Nagisa's _shadow."

Tamao's jaw clenched, and she stared down at her shoes. "Why not?" she asked, her voice so quiet that Chikaru barely caught the words. "It's not like I'm hurting anyone."

Chikaru gazed at the smaller girl, eyes full of sadness. "This isn't the Tamao-chan I met four years ago," she stated softly. "You can't let yourself be consumed by unrequited love, or you'll never heal, and slowly your heart will forget who you used to be. It can heal, Tamao-chan, but you have to give it the chance." With those words, Chikaru stood, dusting herself off, and left Tamao to her thoughts, but not before running her fingers through the girl's hair in a comforting gesture. "It can get better, Tamao-chan. But it won't if you don't allow it to heal."

**Sorry, another short chapter D: But I felt bad for not updating sooner…anyway, Yaya and Tsubomi have talked, so things are gonna start to pick up from now :3**


End file.
